(continued)

Where The Lonely Go...
A trip through some actual personals.

Are You More Than A Diagnosis?
I am kind, very funny, attractive, and smart. I also suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder due to parental abuses, and from attention deficit disorder. I am looking for soul mates, support, and understanding. Pls. Call...

Searching For An Angel
I know you're out there. I can see you in dreams, thoughts and in my future...I’m ready for true love...

Tickle Me Elma
53-year-old Berkleyite seeks romance and diversion from present hostilities. Me: devoted to work, home improvement, tall, fit, weary but fun loving. You: informed, skeptical wag wishing to hide away for a day, a season, a lifetime.

The first headline is nothing if not hooky. Grabbed me right away. Yes, I thought to myself, I am more than a diagnosis. And, yep, kind, very funny, attractive and smart are all part of appealing packaging. But then comes the post-traumatic stuff. Why dangle that particular jewel in front of me? My bet is that she cannot get enough of her own goddamn sad story, and through sheer repetition of it, has worn out EVERYONE in her immediate vicinity. Just cleared the room. And like some emotionally handicapped creature of the night is now on the prowl for fresh sympathy...

It’s nice to see the searching for an angel approach is still making the rounds. This is the genre of wistful dementia where the writer is searching for an angel and believes that by announcing readiness for true love means, well, it might happen. It is the verbal equivalent of a Keane painting. Sad eyes turn the other way.

And what of Tickle Me Elma? “Looking for diversion from present hostilities as well as for someone who is a skeptical wag” doesn’t augur well, does it? Her predilection for a headline that is a pun based on a Sesame Street character is sure to keep skeptical wags everywhere away in droves.

****

>more>